hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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