Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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