she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize