do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
