Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
