nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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