I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
