I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
