I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
