I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
