she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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