one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
