I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yo dont text me then not text me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
