Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
