Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
