My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
