found the other keg... it's in the tree
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize