she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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