I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
is this the sara with the beer cane?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
