We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
