I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
