I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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