I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize