Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
