Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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