whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
