party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
