He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
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