ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
