You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
