why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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