Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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