my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
