Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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