he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
