I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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