Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
smell my finger.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize