Please, let me fuck your mom
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
