were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
