I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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