Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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