the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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