I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
