there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
