Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
