I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
