So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
