and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Bring me that man meat
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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