you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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