It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
