Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
