Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
