He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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