sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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