i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
