Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize