I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
