I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
