so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
