i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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