we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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