I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
