i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
