question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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