i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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