I need to stop coming to work sober
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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