Jerry, you need to find god
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
