I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
