I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
