Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize