matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
