i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
